Home 

Thanks for the Memories

Over the years, whenever we lost a celebrity, I’d always say, "But just wait until Bob Hope passes….he’s the one I will really miss." It seemed he was invincible as the years rolled by. But finally at the age of 100, Bob Hope left us. He left us with Memories that will last forever. Thanks, Bob Hope, not only for the memories, but for all the laughter you brought around the world to our troops in the service in four wars and to audiences everywhere.

As a tribute to Bob Hope, here are some excerpts from his 2003 book MY LIFE IN JOKES, which was co-authored by his daughter, Linda:

I was Mom’s favorite. She was always playing with me and tossing me in the air… What fun it would have been if one day she would’ve caught me.

In all there were seven brothers. That’s how I learned to dance…waiting for my turn in the bathroom.


(In 1930 I was on the vaudeville circuit with the Diamond Brothers, a comedy act.

I used to see the Diamonds come clattering through the lobby every day with their golf bags. One day, in Seattle, they invited me to come along. I borrowed a set of clubs and started hitting the ball pretty well. I got hooked on golf that day. I’ve been addicted to it ever since.)

I play golf every chance I get. The world needs more laughter.

I hit so many divots that two ants nearby said, "Let’s get on the ball or he’ll kill us."

If golf is relaxing…you’re not playing it right.

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.

Mickey Mouse was in line to win the Academy Award, but as usual he would up in a hole.

I would have won the Academy Award if not for one thing….…my pictures.

I arrived on the Victory Train with all the Hollywood stars. You should have seen those beautiful stars…I couldn’t help staring at them…In fact, my eyes popped out so far the bag under one eye turned to the other and said, "We’d better get packed, it looks like they’re leaving for the weekend."

And now that the war’s over they’re going to sell jeeps to the civilians…What a break for women…Now if they miss a pedestrian on the sidewalk…they can go right up the telephone pole after him.

I wasn’t sure television was here to stay, so I bought a very small set. It has a three-inch screen. You don’t sit in front of it; you strap it over one eye.

I don’t know what kind of germs they have here in Korea, but I walked by a pool of water today and my vaccination hissed at it….They’ve got germs over here that haven’t been written up in the Reader’s Digest yet.

They have so much rice in Korea…After a wedding they throw the bride and groom at it.

Television…That’s where movies go when they die.

Paramount doesn’t mind my doing television shows. In fact, they insist on it. I think that’s a pretty sneaky way to cripple a new medium.

I wanna say hello to one of our viewers who’s never had a chance to watch me until now. Welcome, Joe DiMaggio! I was amazed when I heard that Joe had left Marilyn. I’ve heard of men giving up smoking, but this is ridiculous….it could set Wheaties back ten years.

(My autobiography was published. First it was serialized in the Saturday Evening Post and then it was released as a book called HAVE TUX, WILL TRAVEL. Talk about seeing your life flash before your eyes. Little did I know that book, written in the ‘50s, would cover only half my life.)

You’ll like this book. It starts out by telling all my good points, all my achievements, and gives the entire history of my education….The second page is good, too.

(In 1965 The Defense Department sent me and my troupe to Vietnam. The first location turned out to be Bien Hoa, on the outskirts of Saigon. Twenty-three thousand armed GIs were waiting for us when we stepped on stage.)

Here I am in Bien Hoa. That’s Vietnamese for ‘duck’.

Nice to be here in Sniper Valley.

As we flew in today, they gave us a twenty-one gun salute….three of them were ours.

(When we got home, we found that the growing casualty lists and the televised news from the battlefronts were having a tremendous effect on popular opinion, especially in the colleges, where political protests usually start. In addition to demonstrating, students were burning their draft cards, letting their hair grow long….)

Have you seen some of the hairdos the kids are wearing? One kid’s sideburns were so long he had to cut armholes in them.

How about men wearing their hair long? I walked in the barbershop the other day, and there were four guys sitting under the hair dryer discussing the Dodgers.

And how about that new draft lottery? It started a whole new thing. Yesterday, seventeen students burned their birth certificates.

What a way to celebrate your birthday….they give you a big cake and a girl jumps out of it with your induction notice.

I called the draft board and asked what my number was. They said, "For what war?"

Did you hear where they may cut out the draft? The new army is going to be made up entirely of volunteers….he arrives Friday.

Say, have you been reading about the hippies? The fellows wear beads and earrings and the girls wear boots and blankets. The police don’t know who to arrest for doing what to whom.

And that LSD is pretty powerful. One guy took some, tried to throw himself on the floor, and missed.

This is a tough problem. If we’re not careful, this whole generation may go to pot.

A lot of them smoke those Tijuana Marlboros. Three drags and you’re up in Dean Martin country.

When Charles de Gaulle got upset about the devaluation of the British pound, he wired Lyndon, "Lower your dollar." Johnson wired back, "Up your francs."

President Johnson was in Palm Springs this weekend. I say if you’re gonna fight poverty, go to the source.

The president is making a six-nation tour of Asia…he is traveling throughout the Far East to make friends. If it works, he may try it in this country.

He’s going to visit all our allies over there. He may be back the same day.

How about President Johnson meeting with Vietnam’s General Ky in Hawaii? They’ve made a decision about Vietnam that should please everybody…they’re going to close it down.

The president loves Hawaii. Nobody has the heart to tell him it’s not part of Texas.

How about that rich Greek marrying Jacqueline Kennedy? Onassis is a very handsome man but he’s only five foot four….twelve foot eight when he’s standing on his money.

In fact, his bank refers to him as "The Jolly Greek Giant!"

If you were paying attention, you may remember that the Vietnam War finally ended in an agreement neither side intended to honor. It was like one of Zsa Zsa’s weddings.

Teamsters’ leader Jimmy Hoffa disappeared mysteriously. I don’t think Hoffa’s missing at all. I think he’s just playing a game of hide-and-seek with Howard Hughes. The police have flooded the country with Hoffa’s description, "Short, tough, stocky, and loud." Totie Fields is afraid to leave the house.

Well, here it is, the Fourth of July, the big one…Two hundred years ago today we broke away from England and started driving on the other side of the road. Some people put us down. But I still haven’t heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

And what abundance! What other country has five McDonald’s for every two people?

And our agriculture is the wonder of the world. Who else could send millions of tons of wheat to Russia and still have enough left for 80 million Twinkies?

  


 

 

Home 


 Pat Heidenreich
PO Box 7696
Greenwood, IN 46142

Email: saintpat6200@sbcglobal.net

 "Products on this web site are not intended to diagnose, cure, treat,
mitigate, or prevent a disease or illness. Results may vary per person"

This Web site including all coding is Copyright © 2002 by Pat Heidenreich All Rights Reserved